Ok, so WOW!

It's been nearly 3 months since I've posted anything about being a caregiver. Boy have I been neglectful on this blog. Sorry about that. So, I was trying to have the state approve my father for Long Term Care. We tried twice, the first time being prideful and answering honestly and did not get approval. The second time we still answered honestly, but things have changed and I let the interviewer know, however, we still did not meet the qualifications. Which is a good thing, that means my father does not need to be in a nursing home, but bad because I wanted to be able to stay home and take care of his needs and get paid for it. Oh well. For now I will continue what I am doing and do my best to take care of his needs.

It's been almost a month

since Harry's moved in. Life has been good for him and for us. He seems to be happy and liking it here. He gets great food, has even better company and is getting to know his granddaughter and she's getting to know him.


Life must be wonderful for him now that he is here in Arizona. He is learning to live in the hot desert, doesn't complain and is enjoying his time here. I'm glad I asked him to come live with us. I did good.

Carli has come to appreciate having her grandfather here and I feel comfortable leaving her in his care when James and I go out to run an errand or go to church. He doesn't seem to mind, I think he rather enjoys the time they have together.

I'm not exactly sure what happens when we are away, I think Carli may spend time in her bedroom, or perhaps they just sit and watch television together. I don't know if they talk about anything, or if grandpa tells her to be a good girl and mind her parents, but it seems to me that when we get home and I ask Harry how Carli was for him, he always tells me she was good.

I'm always glad to hear that she has behaved for him.

So, I have noticed since Harry's moved in I haven't blogged much. Shame on me...now that he's been here a week I think it's high time I got back into the swing of things. I love the fact that he is here, don't get me wrong. I have spent time getting to know him, making him meals, washing his dishes and doing laundry for him, including making his bed (only after I washed the sheets and no other time) and filling his pill keepers.

Something I think is a necessary evil...it's the only way he can take his pills everyday and not have to fight with the containers. Besides, it's all part of being a caregiver.

I love being around him and having him here. He's a wonderful grandfather to Carli and a great help to James and I. He seems to get Carli to do things (or stop doing things) when neither James or I can. He knows what to say to her to get her to go to bed at night no matter how much cajoling I/we seem to do.

Wow, I hope when I'm older and around my grandchildren, I can work my magic like he works his.

Caregiving - Day One

Today begins my first unofficially unpaid day of caregiving for my father Harry. It's been quite an interesting journey to say the least. In order to explain how I (or, rather we) got here I have to go back nearly 30 years.

See, I was adopted as a toddler. I was 2 and 1/2 years old when a nice, Christian family welcomed me into their home permanently as their youngest daughter. Growing up the youngest of five was always an interesting proposition...if that's the right word for it.

I reveled in being the youngest and always enjoyed the opportunity to show off for any and everyone who would pay attention. Not that I needed it, mind you, I always got plenty from all the older cousins, nephews and nieces, and foster children running around the house or wherever we might be at the time.

I grew up oblivious to the fact that my biological father was out there, somewhere thinking about me and wondering how I was doing. I always knew I was adopted, my parents never kept that fact from me, ever. In fact, they always made sure to tell me the story of my adoption and remind me that I was chosen to be their child. Not that they gloated over being my adopted parents, just the opposite.

I was very close to my dad and he always made sure to make me feel loved, appreciated, wanted and it was understood that I was his treasure. When Daddy passed away, I was 22 years old, pregnant with my second child and in the process of getting divorced from my first husband.

My daughter was born in December of that same year and life continued. Without getting on another tangent, one that I do not wish to blog about here, I will go on with how Harry and I finally ended up getting acquainted.

I met and married my second husband about a year later and proceeded to start a relationship with my father. This went on for about 10 years until I divorced my second husband and moved roughly 1300 miles away to another state.

When I did that I lost contact with Harry. I lived for nearly 8 years before coming into contact with him once more. In the process I remarried and 15 months later had my third (and final) child.

I reconnected with my father and he and I would talk on the weekends, albeit briefly but at least we were chatting. I eventually asked him to move in with me and my family and he accepted. Now, here we are together.

What's Next?

I know the title may sound as if something bad has happened, but that is not the case. I'm just trying to figure out loud, what steps to take next. There's some paperwork that needs to be turned in the morning after Harry arrives (since he'll be arriving at 9:43 p.m.) so that he can be approved for long-term care. Once's he's approved, I will be calling and arranging my First Aid and CPR training so that I can be hired as Harry's caregiver.

It's going to be interesting to see how this all plays out. I'm curious to know how it's all going to go, but I have to be patient and let things take their course. It isn't easy, but I'm going to do my best to try and wait and see.

Having Harry here and being able to actually see him and talk to him face-to-face is going to be different. I'll probably be nervous at first because it's been so long since I've actually seen his face. Over 10 years since I've seen him.

I think having him here is going to make things easier and I'll have more patience waiting for things to fall into place regarding his insurance and my getting hired as his caregiver. I'd like to think that I'll be so busy doing stuff for him and with him that the time will pass by just fast enough that I don't become impatient and want what I want now. Guess we'll see.

5 days and counting - the countdown begins

As you will notice by my title, there are 5 more days until Harry is here. His room is nearly complete. All that's left to do is to buy bedsheets, a pillow and comforter. It doesn't seem possible that time has flown by so quickly, yet here it is.

Now it's 4 days and time seems to be flying by. All the thoughts and plans have fallen into place and I think we're ready for him to be here, almost. It's amazing how life changes, especially when you least expect it.

I remember back to when this was all just an idea, a thought that maybe someday Harry would come for a visit, nothing permanent. But then I heard that he wanted to get to know me again and that seemed to change everything, the way I thought about what was happening and that maybe, perhaps, Harry should come live here permanently.

I also remember back to the time two years ago, when Carli and I went to visit James' father Bill in Pendleton, OR. We were there for two weeks and it really wasn't enough time for Carli to get to know him. Something I'll always regret, especially now since Bill passed away 15 months ago.

I suppose that's why, when I heard Harry wanted to get to know me better, that I came up with the idea of having him move in with us. We were going to do it for James' father, why not mine? Although Bill's wife nixed the whole idea, I think she was rather ignorant about the whole thing. Granted, they wouldn't have moved in with us, but I was willing to find decent housing for them and help them get assistance.

But, she always declined the offer and now I'm sorry I didn't push the issue more. That might have pushed them further, but the end results were the same, so I guess it wasn't meant to be. However, Harry is meant to be here because in a few days he'll be arriving in Phoenix from Montana and there's no going back.

Flying arrangements

Harry's flight has been arranged and Uncle Mark and I decided together that there will be certain accommodations made to help him navigate his way through the airport. We set up a wheelchair and a few other things we thought Harry might need when he's flying. I don't want him having any issues or excuses. I want him to be completely rested and relaxed.

Having these accommodations set up ahead of time is well worth the effort. I don't want Harry struggling his way through the airport, so we made sure any and all accommodations are in place before he gets there. Of course, I haven't told him these accommodations are there for him, I think I'll wait until the day before he flies to inform him that he'll be getting assistance. He'll probably tell me he doesn't need them, but I'll let him know he has no choice in the matter, it was all Mark's idea, not mine.

Besides, calling the day before on Uncle Vern and Aunt Fern's birthday(s) will be a good reason to let him know about it. Besides, if I let him know too soon I think he'll fret about it and I certainly don't want him fretting!

Wow. Making arrangements to have Harry come live with us have not been easy. It has been quite a feat indeed. Nothing has fallen together for this and I'm getting stressed. The logistics are not falling in place and I'm beginning to wonder if this was even meant to be.

Arrangements are sort of in order to get Harry from Libby to the airport in Kalispell. But getting the ticket isn't so easy. We can't afford to buy his ticket, but we will be able to pick him up at the airport.

Now I have nothing to worry about. All the arrangements have been made and nearly finalized. The only thing left to take care of is having Mark book the flight and Harry paying Mark. Whoa. It's all falling together, when just over 30 minutes ago I was starting to think it would never happen.

Boy was I wrong and I'm glad!

****FINAL UPDATE****

It's official. Harry is coming to live with us permanently on June 7th. He'll be arriving in Phoenix at 9:43 p.m. James, Carli and I will go pick him up at the airport. I can't wait to see him.

Now all that's left is finding suitable doctors for him, a bed, dressers, bedsheets, pillows, etc. He doesn't want a television in his room, which is ok with us. He'd rather be out in the living room with the rest of the family. Fine by me. I'd rather have him out in the living room with us too. Oh and getting him on our lease here at the house. I'm pretty sure Howard won't mind. There are probably lots of other things I can't possibly think of right now - but they'll come up and we'll take care of them as they do.

So, it's been decided. Harry is coming to stay. Now we just need to figure out how to get him here. That has not been an easy task. I checked for train schedules...nothing. The website for Amtrak is completely and utterly useless, not user friendly, at all. So, no train.

I checked the Greyhound bus schedule. At least I could navigate my way around the site, but there is no way I'm having Harry spend almost two complete days (yes, 48 hours) on the bus with 4 transfers, the longest of which would be in LVNV for 4 and a half hours and only being 6 hours from us - what's the point? Besides, the same thing that happened to Carli and I when we went to Pendleton could happen to him. He could get stuck in LVNV for way longer than 4 and a half hours - especially if the bus driver decides he/she doesn't want to work that day and a replacement driver is not found within a reasonable amount of time. So, the bus is also no longer an option.

I understand Harry has a fear of flying. Just why exactly, he can't say or won't tell me, but I told him logistically and logically flying is his best option. He flies from Kalispell, MT to Seattle, WA (1 hour and 35 minutes). A two-hour layover in Seattle catching his flight to Phoenix around 6:30 or so and arriving at Phoenix International Airport at 9:43 at night. That would be nearly 3 hours flying from Seattle to here. Not so bad when compared against 48 hours on the bus!

I think he'll go for it. Now here's the real problem. Paying for the ticket. He can't just walk up to the ticket counter the day he wants to fly and buy his ticket. It doesn't work like that. I am going to have to ask James if we can buy the ticket for Harry and have Harry pay us back when he gets here, which I know he'll do because he said as much.

Although we're not really ready for him, I can't wait for him to get here. There are still a lot of things we need to do for his arrival and there doesn't seem to be enough time to get it all done. But we'll have to. Come hell or high water, it has to be done. Maybe delaying his arrival until the 17th is a better idea, although I think he'd rather be here sooner than later. I don't know.

It almost feels like I'm getting ready to give birth again, although I'm not, thank goodness. LOL - I love Harry, he's my father and I'm willing to do anything and everything to have him here with us and getting to know him again and having him get to know me and my little family.

I'm his only heir. There is no one else to take care of him except me. It's totally my responsibility to take care of him. Getting him here is the first step. Ok, maybe second. The first step is convincing him to take a gosh darned airplane ride and then we'll go from there. It's not going to be easy. A lot has to change in order for that to happen. The clock is ticking, the ball is in my court. What has to be done has to be done. It won't happen until I do my part.

Oh what a joyous ride this is going to be. Here I go!

Saturday conversation with Harry

Now he's here and things couldn't be better...

So, I spoke with my father, Harry about what his needs are and what they will be when he comes to live with us in June. I also asked him when he thought he'd like to be here and he said "June 7th."

Well, I was shocked. I was expecting him to come later in the month. I guess he's ready to get reacquainted sooner than I'd thought. But that's ok...the sooner the better, I guess. And...I found a way to get him here for a lot cheaper than a regular ticket. It's called 'buddy' something and the gal that does my nails will help me out. Which is pretty cool, if you ask me.

Dad's Moving In

I just got off the phone with Harry (my father). We spent 30 minutes chatting about his coming down here in June after celebrating his brother and twin sister's birthday.

Now all we have to do is work out the logistics of getting him and his little dog here. He wanted to take the bus (which is a 24 hour ride). Well, he can't take Bubbles on the bus, so I checked into airline fares and the amount is comparable to taking the bus and will only take three or four hours and he can take the dog in a carrier on the plane with him. It will count as a carry-on. Pretty cool, huh?! Besides that, the hours are more conducive to someone taking him to the airport and us picking him up. So...

Well, Bubbles would not be coming. She's 11 years old and dad says it's too far for her to travel. He'd leave her there, which was not what I was expecting. Maybe he can get another dog once he's been here a little while. Anyway, I talked to him just now about the bus vs. flying. He'll have to think about it. Here's to hoping he'll decide to fly.

Caregiving - the next day

While it really isn't the 'next day', but days and days later, I am still contemplating whether or not to call my father once yet again and see what he is up to and if he is moving forward in his idea to move here to Arizona with me, his only child, my husband and daughter.

It's been suggested that I tell him we are moving forward with our plans, getting the room ready for his arrival and that he will indeed show up here if he knows we are taking the effort to get his room ready and he will not want our efforts to be wasted.

So, now I am sitting here thinking of calling Harry and telling him that I can't wait for him to show up at my house in June. I suppose I will have to actually get online and look at airfares and see what he can afford and figure out how he will pay for his ticket. Must talk to hubby and see if he would be willing to help out in that department. Wonder if dad can stand a 4 hour flight...it'll have to be non-stop as he can't see well.

So much to think about and do before he actually gets here. Wow.

Will he or won't he?

Even though I have spoken with my father and he has said, "ok", I'm still not sure he's moving in with us. If he does, it'll be roughly three months from now and there are a lot of things that need to happen before he does. Cleaning out the spare bedroom which is currently filled with some boxes and the closet is full of stuff is going to be a chore all by itself.

There's no bed, no sheets, no pillows, no nothing. No semblance that it's even close to being a bedroom for someone. It's been my clothes closet for over three years now and more recently my 7 year old's playroom. I'm not going to change it until I know he's coming for sure. Although I should clean it out anyway, or at least reorganize in there.

Thinking about having Dad move in

Recently it has come to my attention that my father Harry wants to get to know me better. I agree. Trouble is, he lives in Libby, MT and I live in Phoenix, AZ. I work full time during the school year and I have a child who is also in school. I get the summer off (a strong benefit for working for the school district). Since my loving husband just started a new job at the Post Office as a postal carrier, we can't just up and move, and we don't want to live in MT anyway - we love AZ! So, I called my father and told him that if he wants to get to know me better he would have to come live here with us. There's a bedroom for him and we will have it ready when he gets here. That won't be until June, however, as his sister is planning to visit in early June for her (and her twin brother Vern's) birthday. And I'm off for the summer and that will give us plenty of time to get reacquainted and get him settled in. I've never done caregiving before, (except for the two weeks Carli and I went to Pendleton, OR) not really and I need to learn everything I can before Harry gets here. So, I will. Three months isn't a lot of time to prepare, but I don't have much choice. I don't know for sure that Harry will move here, but when I suggested it, he said 'Ok.' There wasn't any arguing and I was surprised. We'll see. I told him we have lots of time to still discuss things, and he seemed to be ok with that. And I can't really start to prepare anything until I have confirmation from Harry that he is actually going to move here in June. So much to mull over!